Kant Abe, luff foe-sayer, are eve awe dawn lush amber, ill veal Louis key bra cay sown arm sewer tool moaned. Abe have eh bow coo duh purr. Poor taunt ill dumb on daw: "Case key sup pass see sea? Key eh set tome fury huh?"
Louis, key on fate nay Tay pawed you too Sam paw, tier awe on lair.
"Tier ray paw!" Cree awe Abe, more duh purr. "Tier ray paw!"
"All or," Dee Louis, eh bra caw sown arm sewer luff foe-sayer, "who way ma sir, cone are?"
"Vote sir?" dumb on daw Abe. "Key ate ell?"
"Ell sap ell Zelda," replica Louis. "Tool moaned law cone nay."
"We, we, two taw fey," Dee Abe. "On fate, ye air sue are own say crew Oz aid on law rue. Ell maw revel lay cuss say sue are ell allay run con tray Jeff."
"Par maw barb!" Cree awe Louis. "Ma sir nay paw Mort!"
"Mort?" Dee Abe. "May pawed you too."
"Key eh set tome day no may Jeff?" dumb on daw Louis.
"Set tan gnome tray mister ria," replica Abe. "Ill ash ate day pant your canoe vole own."
"All or," dumb on daw Louis, "who ale a rendezvous?"
"Dawn luck arty egg rake," replica Abe.
"Doe nay moo awe lad dress, poor lamb moor dud Dee uh!" comb on daw Louis.
Abe Lou we doe gnaw law dress.
"On core rune shows," Dee Louis. "Poor coo awe vat tell run con tray set ohm?"
"Own lean your," replica Abe.
"All or, ill muff oh ye allay!" Cree ah Louis. Ill sup press hippie taw duh or, may on coo Ron till tray boo shah sewer lab what out ye dub ill. BAWD A BOOM! Ill tier awe, eh law ball pair dew two shah love awes Ming dub ill, key heck lot awe, eh day phooey door descend ear par two dawn lush amber.
Ray guard day moo ah two sull awe, messy a damn. Own poor ray dear cuss a sown day bay tease, day so tease, day stew pee Dee Tay. May pawed you too, messy a damn. We, save Ray, say tune hiss two are toot a fey bee czar, may crew awe yay moo ah, ell lay toot a fey ray ell.
instructions
An englais is a French text written exclusively with English words. You read it in English, but you understand it in French. If you don't (or won't) read French, read the translation below.
mode d'emploi
L'englais (avec un e) est un texte français écrit avec des mots anglais. On le lit en anglais, mais on le comprend en français. Si vous ne lisez pas l'anglais (ou si vous ne voulez pas le lire), copiez le texte et collez-le dans cette machine text-to speech.
translation
When Abe, the counterfeiter, entered the room, he saw Louis pointing his weapon at everyone. Abe was scared stiff. Yet he asked: "What's going on here? Who is this furious man?"
Louis, who in fact was not nice at all, shot in the air.
"Don't shoot!" Abe cried, scared to death. "Don't shoot!"
"Well then," said Louis, and pointed his weapon at the counterfeiter, "where is my sister, dickhead?"
"Your sister?" Abe asked. "Who is she?"
"Her name is Zelda," Louis replied. "Everyone knows her."
"Yes, yes, absolutely," said Abe. "In fact, last night I ran into her on the street. She revealed to me that she was going to meet Jeff."
"By my beard!" cried Louis. "My sister is not dead!"
"Dead?" said Abe. "Why, not at all."
"Who is that man named Jeff?" Louis asked.
"He's a very mysterious man," Abe replied. "He buys paintings that we steal."
"All right," Louis asked, "where is the rendezvous?"
"In the Greek neighborhood," Abe replied.
"Give me the address, for the love of God!" Louis commanded.
Abe gave him the address.
"One more thing," said Louis. "Why is she going to meet this man?"
"Nobody knows," Abe replied.
"Well then, I've got to get going!" Louis cried. He ran out, but as he ran, the tripped on Bill's toolbox. BOOM! He shot, and the bullet hit Bill's Ming vase, which shattered, and the room was filled with golden leaves.
Just look at all this, ladies and gents. One could say that this is stuff and nonsense, pure folderol, balderdash. But not at all, ladies and gents. Yes, it's true, this story is totally bizarre, but believe me, it is totally true.
glossary
to luff = to obstruct by sailing closer to the wind (yacht sailing)
cay = a low bank or reef of coral, rock, or sand
daw = jackdaw
Tay = longest river in Scotland
Cree = Amerindian nation
Dee = river in northern Scotland
to taw = to turn a hide into leather without the use of tannin
ria = a long narrow inlet formed by the partial submergence of a river valley
vole = a small, burrowing mouselike rodent
to sull = to become sullen
